What If?
by GabbieIsNowHere
Summary: Roxas is facing trouble, being at 16-year-old in High School. Facing bullying and depression, and without his roommate Axel being there, can he cope with it at all? Rated M For Attempted Suicide, cutting, and yaoi themes. AkuRoku
1. Chapter 1

Roxas dragged his feet slowly, one after another, as he walked numbly down the sidewalk. Rain battered his face, drowning his unruly locks of blond hair, but he didn't fight against it. It was almost as if Roxas didn't even acknowledge it- but then again, he never acknowledged anyone anymore. Perhaps there was one flame in his memory that still existed- a flame that was slowly becoming an ember, a worn off memory of a beautiful extravagance that existed long ago. No tears escaped from the boy's dull grey eyes- they had departed long ago- only to leave the innocent teenager with a dull empty feeling.

Slowly Roxas raised his head to take in the block of flats he had reached. Mould grew off the walls, and the whole place had been washed a dull, uninviting grey. In all honesty, the whole place had a bleak, stagnant atmosphere. Roxas stuck in hands in his hoodie pockets. This was his home.

Closing the door behind him, Roxas ascended the stairs, pulling the hood from his jumper down low over his eyes to avoid conversation with any residing tenants that may just happen to pass by. Reaching his door, number 13, he fumbled in his pocket for a minute before pulling out his key and letting himself in. The air inside the flat was still, and the whole place was pitch black- the windows had been sealed and the blinds closed. From the corner of his eye Roxas saw a small red light flashing from a phone that resided on a table surrounded by crumpled newspapers and parts of tissues. Roxas dragged himself over to the phone and pressed the 'play' button. Immediately the phone flashed to life:

"Roxas! It's Axel! Hi mate, how's it going? Ibiza's amazing, you'd love it- the chicks dig you, whatever you are- yano what I mean mate!" Roxas heard a girl flirtatiously giggle and rolled his eyes. "So anyway, I'd better come back sometime, because I just know you're missing my amazing pizza takeouts. I'm getting on a plane in a minute, so by the time you come home from college I should be there. Sadly! These girls are majorly irresistible!" There was another giggle and an odd moaning sound, and then the message was over and there was silence.

Roxas stood there for a moment staring at nothing, absorbing the darkness. Slowly, he turned and numbly walked towards the bathroom. Once there, he pulled on the light cord that plinked a few times before casting a dim yellow light on the room. Clutching the sink for support, he looked at his own refection shown in the mirror. The gangly teenager watched his reflection take it in too: the increasing purple bruises surrounding his face, bloodshot dull cerulean eyes that were sunken and cast with shadow. His bony frame did not favour him, and instead portrayed him with a skeletal effect. Not even his own memories could be reflected in his eyes now.


	2. Chapter 2 Facing it alone

"Oi! Roxas!" Demyx sneered, lashing out to grab the younger boy's jacket as he walked away, "Don't you dare walk away from me! Answer me, Goddamn!" Demyx picked up Roxas by the top of his jacket and shoved him against a locker, colliding Roxas's back with the locker door, making an effective bang that rang in his ears. "So… you getting off with anyone, eh? Any chicks takin' yer fancy?" Roxas shook his head franticly, turning to stare at the floor blankly, wishing Demyx to leave him be. "Or maybe you don't bat for the team, huh?" Demyx pressed himself closer to the small, quivering blonde, and hissed in his ear, "Maybe that's why sweet innocent little Roxy lives all lonesome with a big muscly bloke!" Demyx's gang members let out booming laughs, drowning Roxas with their height. Roxas felt his cheeks flare up with embarrassment and Demyx turned on him, surprised. "It's true? Little Roxy is into all things dirty!" He laughing mockingly, "Who would've guessed?"

Demyx punched two blows into the tortured blonde, who quivered and fell to the floor. As he walked away Demyx turned and smirked over his shoulder, "Don't worry little Roxy… We'll be back. Oh, we'll be back…"

Roxas squeezed his eyes shut and tried to pay no attention to the ringing in his ears, the bruising that was starting to form on his stomach, or the blood that was rushing around his head. Instead, he focused on the emptiness that rang loud and clear throughout his body. An emptiness that could never be filled. He reached into the cabinet and pulled out Axel's nail scissors. They were red. How ironic. Roxas pulled back his hoodie and stared at his pale wrist that seemed to gleam under the dim bathroom light. Blood pounded in his ears as the adrenaline kicked in about the deed that was going to be done.

Roxas closed his eyes and took a deep intake of breath, seeming to freeze for a while, before bringing the scissor blade down on his wrist.

The pain was excruciating, but Roxas grimaced before bursting out laughing. He'd never have to face anyone anymore! His parents wouldn't ever have no give a fuck, not that they ever did much anyway. He felt himself growing weaker as a dark red sticky substance ran down his elbow onto the cold, hard tiles. Limply, he let both his arms hang by his sides, and the scissors slid out of his hands, landing with a clatter on the floor. The young blond closed his eyes in submission, all his childhood fears and worries releasing, and all of a sudden, showing through bruises, scars, and experience, showed an innocent 16-year-old by. A boy who concentrated too hard at school. A boy who had never had any experience of love. A boy who had grown up completely, utterly, alone.


End file.
